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November 3, 2002
I wish that I would have...
run away. If I knew before what I know now, that 'Life" is supposed to be being stuck with horible people in a horrible place with abusive people, and that the burden of *everything* was alwys supposed to be on me, one person for life, I would not have fought so hard to stay alive. This is not a scenerio filled with love or respect, but one where spite filled crooks yanked a vaictim out of their life to make them even a bigger victim so that some nasty, abusive, lazy white man who was always a crook could be enabled to be enployed at the victim's expense. This is the bottom line in places like Woo-Woo land and similar hick towns, in particular because someone decided that it would be "so nice" for the man to be able to maintain employment. I have noticed that this man's relatives, who 'could be' helpful, have stayed their distance and have placed this burden on me. In my own family, my family members treat me like an orphan because they consider me a narc, so have always excluded me from everything. I think this is the same exact thing that was done to other people in the past, which caused them to flee, if at all possible. The sad thing is that I have had to fight with predators all of my life, only to end up with this, as some kind of spiteful move by crooks. Sometimes I think if I have to listen to one more complaint from this blob about useless things like : someone ate a pork chop (that he thought he should have) that this is going to be 'the end' for me. It would not be bad if this man EVER had anything to offer at any point in his life, but he can't maintain a conversation about anything relevant either, because of a disability - aka a low i.q. or fixation on television sports and porn. It would be nice if I wasn't stuck with this and could be empowered to live my life, but crooks have me pulled into fake or circular interviews for jobs, if they exist at all. This is to enable these other people who they claim "aren't as smart as me" including this abusive blob. I think that the main problem here is dealing with a man who is low functioning in every way who instead of being a burden, should be a support system. I don't think people were meant to live in places like Wooster, Ohio which looks beautiful, but is full of crooks and abusive people, or any other place where they are alone all of the time, and have to be this way because of a "beastly burden" like this blob character. People who care for aged parents usually have their spouse to fall back on, and in most other communities there are support groups for people who get stuck with burdensome people like this, and their abusive entourage.
A Large Sheepdog
Sometimes I feel like a very large sheepdog just covered with leeches because of these gang members, that I cannot seem to get rid of. Many of these people are useless except to burrow into one's skin and cause pain, very similar to leeches. They really serve no purpose in life except for this nuisance one. Also, just like leeches, these gang members are hard to get rid of, especially by one's self. Sometimes I think that my useless husband's real role was to "sic" these people on me so that they would be constantly harassing and then laugh at me because of this "disability", out of hostility and meanness. The thing about these gang members is that when one "thinks" they are rid of them, they magically "appear" in some other setting. These people are not geared toward investigation or much of anything else other than being abusive and unruly, like kids who never grew up. I think this is all part of my life, where my ex-husband claims that he "hates my guts" and proved this over and over again in the marriage. An Orphaned Child
I have had to accept my status as an orphaned child, which I have encoub\ntered recently as a reality, unless I want to spend the rest of my life in therapy over things these abusive "family members" have done. This is because these people will not claim to be my relative unless it benefits them in some way. As far as I am concerned, as long as they continue to act this way, my parents are dead, and I have no siblings. Somehow, I think that if other people would willingly accept this status, it would save countless hours of trying to do the right thing, trying to be helpful, and 'etc' toward people who never had one's best interest in mind at any time. In my case, it was always more like "why am I being shut out", "why do I not count", "why do i not have value", and "what makes me the ugly step-sister", more than anything else. Accepting these people not as family, but as just another abuse group makes this much easier. |
